Say what? I wasn't listening

I love this Maya Angelou saying because it really does sum up every parent out there.  Kids never come with instructions so, each of us, as parents, struggle through life never knowing if we are doing the right thing or not.  Parenting can be overwhelming for all of us at times.  As parents, I think one of our biggest frustrations is trying to help our adult kids to keep from making the exact same mistakes we made.  Yes, yes, experience tells us it's a losing battle.

This feat is much, much easier said then done.  It also makes me laugh when my adult kids say to me: "But my kids just never listen to me."  My response is always: "Well you never listen to me, so why do you think your kids will be any different?"  Yet we somehow do think our next generation will be different, only to discover they are not.  

As adults we like to always think our parents didn't raise us right anyway.  We grow up and think we will raise our kids much, much better, then reality sets in once the kids come along.  You know reality?  It's that shit that gets in our way and kind of crushes our good intentions sometimes.  When we are teens we think: "I'll let my kid go to that all night party with people I don't know.  Geesh, parents are so not trusting of my judgement."   LOL  

We are survivors of the shit creek experiences we've lived through.  We probably didn't listen to our parents either.  Why?  Well we all think our parents grew up with dinosaurs.  So they are prudes, not with it, olden times junk, where they were prudes.  They never thought about sex, drugs or rock and roll.  They were born grownup and just are out of touch with what young people experience.

Some kids as adults, like to be martyrs.  For instance, if they go through a difficult divorce, they think they are the only ones who have ever experienced heartbreak.  The only ones who struggled as single parents.  After all, each generation thinks it invented sex and love.  What we, as parents, did in our spare time, I have no idea.  Like for example, me, myself. I never had a bad divorce.  I never had to leave my once home with only the things I could carry.  I never moved into my first apartment, with two little kids, having no furniture, not even one bed.  I guess if we parents were never in love, our kids must think we simply had some kind of bad business deal just to set up housekeeping until it failed.  

Somehow, adult kids have the notion that we, as parents, are bound to always try to ruin their lives, especially with advice.  They think we have anything but their best intentions at heart.  I guess we are cruel people, we just never knew it till the adult kids come along.  Yet, somehow, they do think a bad boyfriend, girlfriend, or bad spouse, always has their back and always have their best intentions at heart.  In high school they always think their peers, the ones no older than they are, with no more experience than they have,must have better information about life.  Information that usually turns out to be false, simply because friends have lived no longer. 

You know, we, as parents probably hate their choices for partners, just because they picked them.  LOL  Whenever we give advice, we just don't understand their situations, even though we have been in similar situations and know what the outcome will be.  I'm always shocked because do I have to step in front of a truck on the highway to know I can be hurt or killed?  I sincerely hope not, yet adult kids have to toss themselves under that bus in order to understand that fact.  Why do they do it?  Well, that is the age old question.  

Remember, as parents, you just didn't live.  You simply sat in a corner, you were model kids and never, never did anything wild in your lives.  Wow  I think our parents just might have a different opinion on how we acted as kids.  LOL

"AS kids we think our parents are always on our backs.  When, in fact, they were probably the only ones who ever truly had our backs."  Author Unknown

Mommy, I miss you

                                My Mom and Dad's fiftieth 


My parents picture on their fiftieth anniversary.  The title of this blog probably fits many children who no longer have their moms in their lives.  I loved my Dad very much, but, as a girl, I have to admit, I was much closer to my Mom than my Dad.  I was 'adopted' by my grandparents, but they ARE my Mom and Dad always because it takes More than giving birth to a child to be Mom.  Experts like to say: "psychological parent' and I, for one, know exactly what that means.  The Mom who held you, nursed you when you were sick and who hugged you and went to school functions, even when she knew it might be boring, but acted like you were a genius, is the Mom you have in your head and heart, forever.

I was just 31 years old when my Mom died.  I always thought I'd have her forever, or at least much longer, but didn't.  This picture of their anniversary is and always will be, special to me.  Not just because it was their anniversary, but also because This day started me on a personal journey.  A journey of finally growing into the woman I am today.  A strong, confident woman who finally likes who she has become. 

I didn't know this day was going to be the day I started to grow, personally, spiritually, and more maturely but it was.  How?  Well I had a horrible first marriage.  I was married to that creep when this picture was taken.  My ex, at the time, always tried to drive a wedge between me and my parents.  Little did I know, I wouldn't allow that from anyone. Frankly, anyone who tries to do that, is a shit of a human being, much less a shit of a spouse.  This day of celebration, my ex tried to tell me I could not go there.  He was, of course as always, too busy to ever attend anything with his family.  A family he never appreciated and he never deserved anyway.  My first three kids were little.  I dressed them got in my car and we went to this special day that I knew would never happen again and was determined my kids and I would attend.  I will forever cherish this picture of them till the day I die.  When the kids and I got home, the jerk ex was waiting to pick a fight over it.  This was probably the first time I decided to tell my ex to kiss my ass.  I was close to Mom and he, nor anyone else was going to keep me from her or from Dad.  By standing my ground, my ex (sociopath that he was), realized he wasn't going to control my every move anymore.  I slowly began to mature as a woman and was from then on, headed on a path of being myself.

My Mom's funeral was the second milestone to telling my ex to kiss my ass.  He was never there for me emotionally or otherwise as he was too busy being a big baby all his life.  When I saw, once again, what a worthless husband he was, I started to loathe him as a person.  More and more each day, until I finally got divorced.  BTW, my wedding was not the happiest day of my life, the day my divorce was final was. 



Most of us miss our moms, especially during trying times in life.  Another time was when my Dad died.  No one to comfort me over that, so I suffered alone pretty much.  When my Dad died, then a few short weeks later, I realized how half my brother's and sisters were shit human beings too.  Funny, you think family can be trusted, it can be true, until it's not.  There were three out of a slew of us kids, 8 to be exact, that I could trust.  The rest were greedy and I brushed off and over 40 years time I have cared not one iota what has happened to them and never will.  Sad, but a parent's death tends to bring out the worst in too many families.  Many people find this out the hard way.

Yet another time I missed my Mom was when I got divorced.  Yes it was the shittiest of marriages.  But divorce is hard, you grieve just like someone or something died.  It's because something has died.  Why I grieved is because I realized he was never then, nor ever going to be, a decent parent.  He never was a decent husband, so you grieve for the lost hopes you once had that he would become, at the very least, a decent human being.  That never happened either. I missed my Mom because I wanted, in the trying times, to hug her, to tell her I hurt, to talk to her and have the one person in my life, who, up to that point, would tell me how she loved me unconditionally, as her daughter, as her child.

I missed her when the two youngest kids and I moved into an apartment with no furniture.  I wanted her to assure me I'd be strong and would be alright. We were OK, but it was a hard, rough road, yet it made me a stronger person, a person who would show empathy forever for other humans who hurt.  

The next time I missed her terribly, was when my ex (shit person that he was) went to school and took my youngest son to his house, refusing to let me see him until we went to family court, which was more than three months later. Family court is a nightmare in itself.  Assholes like him Never deserve a decent wife nor kids anyway.  That abuser (what Kind of a decent father would use his kid to punish mom anyway?) decided to sue me for custody.  I fought him in court and won.  It's made me a stronger person in life.  Hatred of another person tends to do that for you.



Mommy, I went on to college to become a Social Worker.  I was determined to do that because I knew from the empathy you always taught me, I could be a good Social Worker and I was and am. Mommy I wished you could have been at my wedding to my present husband.  A husband you would be proud of for a son-in-law.  A man who loves me unconditionally, just as I am (something the first husband never did) a husband who treats me so special I'm happy every day of my life now for the past 19 years.  Mommy I miss you more than you'll ever know.




Mommy I never knew how hard it was to be a mom until I raised my own kids.  They don't come with instructions and we All have to learn it and wing it as best we can.  You weren't a perfect parent, Mom, but I now realize you had a tough job and did the best you could and you filled any voids I had as a kid, with much, much love.  Mommy, my own kids know I was never perfect.  But I hope they know I couldn't love them more.  They too, Mommy, don't listen to my advice, as I'm sure, I didn't listen to yours always either.  But now some of my kids have kids who don't listen to them either.  I guess we all have to learn the hard way, they might not ever know we, as Mom's, only want the best for them and we only give advice to save them from the heartaches we have been through.  I'm convinced saving them from heartaches as adults is next to impossible anyway.  But I love them unconditionally too, as you did me.  May my kids forgive me for once being young, scared, inexperienced at this Mom thing and one day understand I Never meant to hurt them, if I did.  

Halloween and Something in the Blood

          Available on Amazon.com and Kindle



Karla and the girls walked up to the window and they each ordered a Coke.  Karla asked me how business was doing today, I just laughed and said: “What business?  It's pretty cold and did you have to stand in line here?”  She smiled and took a sip of her soda.  

She started to say something else, when suddenly, a long black vehicle pulled into the parking lot.  I looked at the vehicle, it was a black hearse and it seemed to have dark red interior.  I didn't know too many people who drove a hearse so I assumed maybe it was from a funeral home or something.  Boy was I wrong.  The doors swung open and a group of teenagers emerged, all dressed in Goth style clothing.  One of the girls had a long black skirt on and loads of piercings on her face and lips.  Another one, a guy, had black leather pants that looked like they had been spray painted on they were so tight.  The front doors of the hearse opened and a girl with the longest, straightest, blackest hair I'd ever seen emerged from the passenger side of the front seat.  She had black lipstick on, long fake eyelashes and black nail polish.  She only had one piercing, on her lip there was a silver ring with a tiny cross dangling from it. 

The driver's side door opened and a guy stepped out from behind the wheel.  He had a swagger about him when he walked up to the window.  He had a long, black trench coat on and black leather boots with 2 inch heels on them.  He also had what looked like eyeliner on his eyes, the most beautiful deep dark eyes I'd ever remembered seeing.  

He came to the window and said: “We were driving by I saw you standing here and decided I wanted to meet you.”  I was looking down, pretending to wipe the counter so as not to seem like I was staring.  I naturally assumed he was talking to Karla, but when I looked up, he was looking right into my eyes. I couldn't believe he was ignoring Karla and addressing the questions and his gaze at me.

R U missing out on romance

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Why are romance books so popular, especially to women?  

This is a good question because statistics show that romance books are the biggest sellers, especially in America.  Is this because women lack real romance in their lives or is it because men have no clue about romance?  Are women unrealistic in their expectations when it comes to romance in relationships?  Do too many books depict romantic situations that no man could ever live up to?

All of these questions are good ones.  Perhaps the answers are more complicated than we think.  If you read romance books, do you lack romance in your real life?

I've been thinking a lot about this subject since writing my latest romance book.  The book has picked up a bit in sales and I've been wondering why romance reading is so popular in our society.

Most men have little clue when it comes to romance.  It isn't that they are stupid, it's simply most of them have not been brought up to be romantic creatures.  Many times, what men think is romantic, may not seem very romantic to women at all.  I really doubt most men research this subject because it just isn't as important to them as it is to ladies.

Imagined or real, romance books are filling something for women they may not be seeing in reality.  On the other hand, maybe women just love to fantasize when it comes to the hum drum daily chores we all, male or female, face daily.  Maybe romance stories transport women, even if for a short time, to another place, a place where fantasies help us all cope with the seemingly dull routines we all have to perform each day.  After all, movies do just that too, it is what makes some movies more popular than others.  We can lose ourselves in someone else's trials, hardships, and yes, their love lives.  Maybe we simply love to be voyeurs, like a fly on the ceiling, looking into another person's private life for a short time.

Do women really want to be rescued by a man?  That is doubtful, but I think they want to be rescued from the daily, dull, routines we all face in our lives.  We all like a little bit of a vacation for the mind, so to speak.

What are your thoughts on this subject? 

 

 

 

Thoughts on friends and such

Often we see on the Internet terms like my bff, my soul mate and many others like those.  What do they mean?  Do they in fact mean anything other than the ramblings of the person writing them?  

Over the years I've been a fan of Sex and the City.  I'm not even sure just why but perhaps it all has to do with the friendship of four young women.  Women who stay friends through thick and thin, good times and bad times.  Maybe that kind of friendship, depicted in the series, exists or maybe it's a figment of Candace Bushnell's imagination, the creator of Sex and the City.  Maybe it depicts the kind of friendships we'd all like to have.

Perhaps the popularity of that particular genre draws women fans because of not just the friendship, but the different views of each friend as they try to sort out relationships with men.  

Samantha: fiercely independent, not wanting to ever rely on anyone but herself when it comes to work and relationships.  She flits from one man to another, never really getting locked into a permanent thing with any one guy.

Miranda: Also fiercely independent, at first glance, but changes as she matures.  She's a lawyer, trying to always analyze and even puts down, anything she does not totally understand or is not able to control.  When we first meet her, she thinks every man has an ulterior motive and so she does not ever really trust men.  In one episode, Carrie introduces her to a shy nerdy type of guy.  Miranda thinks his shyness is simply an act, mocking her.

Charlotte:  She tells us she has been looking for Mr. Right since she was in high school.  Most of the time she looks too hard and therefore does not find him while looking so hard.  She thinks women must 'play the game' in order to snag a man.  Eventually she finds a guy she falls in love with, but this guy does not fit her 'type' (the image) that she has created on paper and in her head, so she cannot believe why she even falls for him at all.

Carrie:  Then we have Carrie.  She has her ups and down and some will say she just concedes to men, at least where Mr. Big is concerned.  Many women hate the way she seems to roll over, at times, allowing guys to get away with too much.  Why do some women hate this virtue of Carrie's?  Well isn't that just the way a lot of women relate to men?  In some stages of our lives, many of us have acted just like Carrie sometimes does.  I know I did when younger.  It isn't until we reach past our forties and the hormones have all settled, that we see men in a different light, we see relationships in a different light.  Less hormones, I've discovered, make us more objective.  Before that time, we have acted the fool where men are concerned.  Damned those raging hormones!  I've observed friends and family, acting just like that, yet completely denying it when they have.  Haven't we all been guilty of tolerating way too much from the opposite sex when we were younger and inexperienced? 

I like the series and I like the friendships of those women.  I will write more in the next blog about what I have observed about women and friendships.  Even about women and daughters they may have and how I think those relationships can be great or bitter sweet. 

My recent book: Child of the Earth, tells a tale of how love can find us when we least expect it.  How when we do find it, well, it just may not be the wonderful answer we had been looking for, as it can be bitter sweet sometimes. Finding Mr. Right can sometimes be a two edged sword.

Sometimes love can hurt but it can be all worth the pain.

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Summer of Love

Introducing our newest book "Child of the Earth",  a love story that takes place in 1968.

Suzanne Wellington is a writer and photographer working for a large magazine in New York. She is given an assignment to write a story about the hippie communes.

Suzanne loads up her VW bus and heads out of town, she ends up in New Mexico to write about one of the largest communes around.

 Once she reaches New Mexico her VW breaks down and she is stranded by the side the road when along comes Oliver Bachand who offers to help her.  Oliver lives just down the road from the commune that she is looking for. Oliver helps fix her bus.  Oliver's wife and son are on a sabbatical for two months in France.

Oliver offers to let Suzanne stay in the guest room while he fixes her bus.  She talks him into visiting a local commune with her.  He has never liked hippies, thinking of them as lazy, drug using dropouts.  But through Suzanne's eyes, he changes his mind, especially when they make friends with Jupiter and Sparrow.

Oliver is smitten with Suzanne from the start.  Unlike his wife, Suzanne is wild, free and not inhibited at all.  Oliver is freed from his boring, safe, everyday life by his love for Suzanne.  

Even though the story takes place in 1968, it is one that transcends time and place.

Oliver's only son, John, never liked his father much and at his father's death, John really thinks Oliver must have gone senile in his older years.  But, did he?  It's years later, will John be able to understand how life was in 1968?  Don't miss this love story that will make you smile, make you weep and will warm your heart, no matter what age you are, no matter what era you were born in.

The boyfriend's back,what a Hack

 

He's so cute, the boyfriend's back

As teenage girls, we will eventually discover

He's a bad lover, he's just a hack

I'm so happy the boyfriend's back

Mom tries to tell us, but as teens we know best

"But, Mom, he's different, not like the rest"

Famous last words

We think he's not from the same herd

Mom's were once teenage girls too

Daughters discover boys

What they really discover is hormones

What scientists call pheromones

 

Teenage girls find life can get hazy

What they mistake for love

Well, it's just being boy crazy

Teens think unemployed guy, is cute, not lazy

"He wants me, he wants me, it must be love"

Into his bed, he will give you a shove

Sex means love, am I right?

In an imperfect world, this logic soon takes flight

"But Mommy, you are wrong"

Such is the teenage girl in love's song

But as parents, we know she's wrong

Waiting for her to get it, can take ever so long

 Through the eyes, we call love

He always looks like, he's from heaven above

We think this guy fits like a glove

If we could only trust the eyes we call love

Girls get in trouble

Here comes the burst of the bubble

Dumb girls call it dumb luck

Even when they get hit by that Mack truck

When in trouble, where is this wonderful guy?

Oh no, he would not tell a lie

He once did a wonderful dance

Just before he convinced you he should be in your pants

I could be at death's door

Suddenly, he's not there anymore

He never cares if he hurt you to the core

You realize when you met, you should have shut that door

 But bad boys are such fun

Until push comes to shove

Oh see how he runs

Look at my tears, see my mascara run

 

Raising a child, well, just not in his plan

What a gem, what a peach

Oh, what a fine man

Now he says: "Catch me if you can"

What the hell, you now say 

He was a good man, when he wanted to play

He loved me, right from the start

Now he stabs you right through the heart

 Worse scenario, you're stuck with this guy

You know, the one who wouldn't lie

His faults, bad habits, seemed so cute

Now you need help, as a husband, he's mute

His bad habits drive me nuts now

In ten years, they get under my skin

What went wrong?

Well, where do we begin?

 Mom was with me when it all went sour

Where's Mr. Wonderful now?

Just look in any corner

You'll see him now cower

This great guy, somehow, he got lost
But now you discover
How great was your cost?
Before you started, he should have gotten lost

 

Never listened to my Mom

I simply told her to stay calm

But maybe Mom knew after all

When push came to shove, he'd never answer the call

 

Mom stayed by me, so never say: "Boo"

She was right about him

Maybe she's been around that same corner?

Well, Hell, whoever knew?

 

Mom said to be a strong girl

Hey, I know guys don't like 'those kind of girls'

But now, he has taken flight

Those 'wimpy' girls make me want to hurl

So listen to Mom, she just might be right

When a bad boy gets you into his sight

"In bed" he says, just laugh and say:

"Get the Hell out of my sight"

 

 

Thoughts during this silly season each year

My parents on their 50th anniversary

During this silly, crazy season, I always look at how far we've come and recently, some of it isn't good.  I know we all have thoughts about growing up, most of us have memories of when we were kids, how Christmas stands out in our memories, some good, some not so good.  I'm not unique in my memory transporting me back to Christmases gone by.

One big memory stands out at the time I turned 15.  The Vietnam War was raging in a place most of us never heard of before America became embroiled in a war in a far away land.  My mom was always an avid church goer, so we were expected to go to church each year on Christmas Eve.  I'm the youngest in my family, so at 15, I was the last kid left at home.  I was raised as a Presbyterian until the only Presbyterian church in our small town closed its doors because they could find no minister to take it over when ours retired.  So we became Methodists.  To this day I never got the connection, except the only other churches were Baptist (my mom felt they were too strict) and Catholic (my mother couldn't understand the sermons, given in Latin back then) so in her mind, the only logical alternative was to be a Methodist.  Don't ask me, I have no idea why either.  But my mom, rest her soul, wanted us to be God fearing kids is the only answer I can come up with.

Back to my fifteenth year.  We got dressed and attended a Christmas Eve sermon at the little Methodist church.  The minister started speaking about us being grateful for 'the season' count our blessings, blah, blah, blah.  Then he started saying we needed to bless our troops in Vietnam.  I thought: Why aren't we blessing the Vietnamese?  He said we should pray for an American victory to the war.  I raised my head as others prayed, looked around me and thought: I cannot do this anymore.  I didn't pray, I continued to watch the rest of the congregation and felt a surge of sadness and disgust envelop me.

When we got home and entered the living room where the Christmas tree sat, with presents under it, in our modest little house, I began to think of kids being bombed, their homes gone, about the poor in America, some not knowing where their next meal was coming from and I felt incredibly selfish looking at the presents.

I changed my clothes and politely told my mom I was not going to church anymore.  I told her I had no idea why a 'God of love' would be on America's side.  Didn't God love the Vietnamese people too?  She had no good explanation and neither did our minister, whom she had me talk to after the holiday.  Did I become atheist?  No, but I just could not believe in a god 'taking sides' like in a football game.

As I studied history I didn't think a 'god of love' would side with Europeans against American Indians, against slaves forced to come here nor against the Vietnamese just because we were Americans.  I had a major problem, always, with the people who spelled their last names right, in our small town, having prominent positions in each church we ever attended too.  So I became somewhat of a disbeliever.

I look around us today, I see people in stores hurting each other for a handful of cheap goods just because their kid wants the biggest, the latest or the nicest item to show off at school.  Seriously?  One time a year we need to give gifts to show we love our families?  How about the other 364 days? You don't resent giving a gift to a boss you cannot stand?  Getting a gift for a coworker you may not like?  Think about it.  Oh, I had nice holidays as a small child, but I had loving parents.  What about those kids who did not?

So I read on social network sites, crap like: "I didn't own slaves, I didn't kill American Indians, so how does history pertain to me?"  I got sick of that crap being spouted in college too.  How does it pertain to you?  Because we are repeating Vietnam right Now, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and probably soon, in Iran.  THAT's how it pertains to YOU.  You learned nothing because you don't read history.   

Divide and conquer, the oldest abuse used by controllers

 

 Learn, grow stronger

Once you've learned this, wise up

Divide and conquer is the oldest abuse tactic in the book, played mostly by men, but a few women as well play this card.  It starts with: "I love you, I'll do anything for you, but ya know, your friends, or family don't like me (translation: they see me for what I really am.  I don't like them and if you love me, you will avoid them too."  This is the isolation factor and how it starts.  Anyone who truly loves you will never (yes this is an absolute) ever force you to make this kind of decision.  It's not that you have bad parents or bad friends, but an abuser will isolate you because they cannot stand the fact those people can see you for what they really are and they cannot risk the chance of the person they control to be swayed by the truth.  Now my in-laws (ex in-laws) did not like me, but I never kept my ex from them or my kids from them.  I was not liked because their son was abusive yet those stupid people were under the misguided impression that their sons' wives or girlfriends asked for it.  Let me tell you, for any reason should my child abuse anyone, I'll take them to task quicker than shit.  There is no reason for any kind of abuse.  The sad thing is, many women will walk into this one and act dumb because they do not want to upset the apple cart.  Well, walking on egg shells in any relationship should be the first red flag that something is wrong.  Wise up!

 Take a break from mistakes

He wants sex, he must love me

Wrong!  I can tell you he probably just wants sex.  Wanting sex does not spell l-o-v-e in any language.  What does spell love?  He/she encourages you to be your best.  They support your decisions concerning your own life, they don't expect you to show up just for bootie calls, they don't have a reputation of using women for sex because they think they are god's gift to everyone.  Get to know this type of jerk, find out if this is a habit, just sleeping around to make conquests.  Then find out why they cannot seem to make a commitment to probably anyone.  Don't allow yourself to be insulted because a guy has no respect for you.  Have respect for yourself, that is where it has to start.

He/she hates my kids, it must be I have bad kids

Unless you are prepared to diss your own kids, no matter at what age, then get rid of that loser.  If he/she has kids  and their kids are fine in their eyes, do not trade your kids for any relationship because it's not a good one.  Trust me on this one!

Abuse knows no age

Abuse is always physical

Wrong again!  It comes in many forms......learn to recognize it.  Divide and conquer is one form, psychological abuse is another, never showing affection, cry babies 'no one appreciates me' crap like that.  Telling you that you are lucky to have him/her, yeah right, we all should be lucky enough to walk away as fast as we can from those losers in reality.  Looking at other women/men in your presence, making comments as to 'how great other people look' is psychological and shows a blatant lack of respect for you.  With holding sex because he/she is a pouty little shit and is punishing you, is another form of abuse.  You Need someone else to make you feel bad about yourself?  I doubt you do.

The 'your family hates me, so no more contact' person is the very same one who, once you break up or not break up, will be sitting in some damned bar saying: "My wife/partner doesn't understand me."

I know I can change this person.  Don't believe it! The Only way you can ever change anyone is if they wear diapers.  Instead, change yourself, break the cycle, stop being the perpetual victim, stop following losers all over hell's half acre.  Once you break up with someone, give yourself distance, in the form of time, to heal, look over the previous situation, make a damned list of what you Do No want in any other relationships, then stick to that list.  Stop feeling sorry for anyone and mistaking it for love.  Stop being grateful some loser helped you once and mistaking it for love.

What is true love?

1)  The person you love, loves you back.  They respect you, that r-e-s-p-e-c-t is the KEY factor.  You can tell them anything you could tell a best friend and they do not store that information away just to use against you in future disagreements.

2) That person is not just loving and respecting you in Good times, but Bad times will prove their mettle and just what they are made of.  They support you in bad times, not just when all goes their way.  It's easy for All of us to be good when times are good.  When times go sour, well that is where it gets proven.

3) That person does not try to devalue your feelings or words at any time.  That is a sign of disrespect when they say: "You just make mountains out of mole hills or you over react."  What in hell is 'over react?'  You react however you react, end of story.  We all do that differently.  

4)  That person does not compare you to other men or women in your presence.  YOU, to them, should be the prettiest, wittiest, nicest, blah,blah,blah, person to Them.  The grass is always greener people have NO place in any relationship with me.  Move along!!!!!!!!!! 

I will post this, I will Tweet this.  Do I think people will take heed?  Likely not because I can already hear: "Oh but I'm different.  My relationship is like that, but WE are different."  LOL  Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!