Friday, November 29, 2013

Divide and conquer, the oldest abuse used by controllers

 Learn, grow stronger

Once you've learned this, wise up

Divide and conquer is the oldest abuse tactic in the book, played mostly by men, but a few women as well play this card.  It starts with: "I love you, I'll do anything for you, but ya know, your friends, or family don't like me (translation: they see me for what I really am.  I don't like them and if you love me, you will avoid them too."  This is the isolation factor and how it starts.  Anyone who truly loves you will never (yes this is an absolute) ever force you to make this kind of decision.  It's not that you have bad parents or bad friends, but an abuser will isolate you because they cannot stand the fact those people can see you for what they really are and they cannot risk the chance of the person they control to be swayed by the truth.  Now my in-laws (ex in-laws) did not like me, but I never kept my ex from them or my kids from them.  I was not liked because their son was abusive yet those stupid people were under the misguided impression that their sons' wives or girlfriends asked for it.  Let me tell you, for any reason should my child abuse anyone, I'll take them to task quicker than shit.  There is no reason for any kind of abuse.  The sad thing is, many women will walk into this one and act dumb because they do not want to upset the apple cart.  Well, walking on egg shells in any relationship should be the first red flag that something is wrong.  Wise up!

 Take a break from mistakes

He wants sex, he must love me

Wrong!  I can tell you he probably just wants sex.  Wanting sex does not spell l-o-v-e in any language.  What does spell love?  He/she encourages you to be your best.  They support your decisions concerning your own life, they don't expect you to show up just for bootie calls, they don't have a reputation of using women for sex because they think they are god's gift to everyone.  Get to know this type of jerk, find out if this is a habit, just sleeping around to make conquests.  Then find out why they cannot seem to make a commitment to probably anyone.  Don't allow yourself to be insulted because a guy has no respect for you.  Have respect for yourself, that is where it has to start.

He/she hates my kids, it must be I have bad kids

Unless you are prepared to diss your own kids, no matter at what age, then get rid of that loser.  If he/she has kids  and their kids are fine in their eyes, do not trade your kids for any relationship because it's not a good one.  Trust me on this one!

Abuse knows no age

Abuse is always physical

Wrong again!  It comes in many forms......learn to recognize it.  Divide and conquer is one form, psychological abuse is another, never showing affection, cry babies 'no one appreciates me' crap like that.  Telling you that you are lucky to have him/her, yeah right, we all should be lucky enough to walk away as fast as we can from those losers in reality.  Looking at other women/men in your presence, making comments as to 'how great other people look' is psychological and shows a blatant lack of respect for you.  With holding sex because he/she is a pouty little shit and is punishing you, is another form of abuse.  You Need someone else to make you feel bad about yourself?  I doubt you do.
The 'your family hates me, so no more contact' person is the very same one who, once you break up or not break up, will be sitting in some damned bar saying: "My wife/partner doesn't understand me."

I know I can change this person.  Don't believe it! The Only way you can ever change anyone is if they wear diapers.  Instead, change yourself, break the cycle, stop being the perpetual victim, stop following losers all over hell's half acre.  Once you break up with someone, give yourself distance, in the form of time, to heal, look over the previous situation, make a damned list of what you Do No want in any other relationships, then stick to that list.  Stop feeling sorry for anyone and mistaking it for love.  Stop being grateful some loser helped you once and mistaking it for love.

What is true love?

1)  The person you love, loves you back.  They respect you, that r-e-s-p-e-c-t is the KEY factor.  You can tell them anything you could tell a best friend and they do not store that information away just to use against you in future disagreements.

2) That person is not just loving and respecting you in Good times, but Bad times will prove their mettle and just what they are made of.  They support you in bad times, not just when all goes their way.  It's easy for All of us to be good when times are good.  When times go sour, well that is where it gets proven.

3) That person does not try to devalue your feelings or words at any time.  That is a sign of disrespect when they say: "You just make mountains out of mole hills or you over react."  What in hell is 'over react?'  You react however you react, end of story.  We all do that differently.  

4)  That person does not compare you to other men or women in your presence.  YOU, to them, should be the prettiest, wittiest, nicest, blah,blah,blah, person to Them.  The grass is always greener people have NO place in any relationship with me.  Move along!!!!!!!!!! 
I will post this, I will Tweet this.  Do I think people will take heed?  Likely not because I can already hear: "Oh but I'm different.  My relationship is like that, but WE are different."  LOL  Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!