R U missing out on romance

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Kindle

Why are romance books so popular, especially to women?  

This is a good question because statistics show that romance books are the biggest sellers, especially in America.  Is this because women lack real romance in their lives or is it because men have no clue about romance?  Are women unrealistic in their expectations when it comes to romance in relationships?  Do too many books depict romantic situations that no man could ever live up to?

All of these questions are good ones.  Perhaps the answers are more complicated than we think.  If you read romance books, do you lack romance in your real life?

I've been thinking a lot about this subject since writing my latest romance book.  The book has picked up a bit in sales and I've been wondering why romance reading is so popular in our society.

Most men have little clue when it comes to romance.  It isn't that they are stupid, it's simply most of them have not been brought up to be romantic creatures.  Many times, what men think is romantic, may not seem very romantic to women at all.  I really doubt most men research this subject because it just isn't as important to them as it is to ladies.

Imagined or real, romance books are filling something for women they may not be seeing in reality.  On the other hand, maybe women just love to fantasize when it comes to the hum drum daily chores we all, male or female, face daily.  Maybe romance stories transport women, even if for a short time, to another place, a place where fantasies help us all cope with the seemingly dull routines we all have to perform each day.  After all, movies do just that too, it is what makes some movies more popular than others.  We can lose ourselves in someone else's trials, hardships, and yes, their love lives.  Maybe we simply love to be voyeurs, like a fly on the ceiling, looking into another person's private life for a short time.

Do women really want to be rescued by a man?  That is doubtful, but I think they want to be rescued from the daily, dull, routines we all face in our lives.  We all like a little bit of a vacation for the mind, so to speak.

What are your thoughts on this subject? 

 

 

 

Divide and conquer, the oldest abuse used by controllers

 

 Learn, grow stronger

Once you've learned this, wise up

Divide and conquer is the oldest abuse tactic in the book, played mostly by men, but a few women as well play this card.  It starts with: "I love you, I'll do anything for you, but ya know, your friends, or family don't like me (translation: they see me for what I really am.  I don't like them and if you love me, you will avoid them too."  This is the isolation factor and how it starts.  Anyone who truly loves you will never (yes this is an absolute) ever force you to make this kind of decision.  It's not that you have bad parents or bad friends, but an abuser will isolate you because they cannot stand the fact those people can see you for what they really are and they cannot risk the chance of the person they control to be swayed by the truth.  Now my in-laws (ex in-laws) did not like me, but I never kept my ex from them or my kids from them.  I was not liked because their son was abusive yet those stupid people were under the misguided impression that their sons' wives or girlfriends asked for it.  Let me tell you, for any reason should my child abuse anyone, I'll take them to task quicker than shit.  There is no reason for any kind of abuse.  The sad thing is, many women will walk into this one and act dumb because they do not want to upset the apple cart.  Well, walking on egg shells in any relationship should be the first red flag that something is wrong.  Wise up!

 Take a break from mistakes

He wants sex, he must love me

Wrong!  I can tell you he probably just wants sex.  Wanting sex does not spell l-o-v-e in any language.  What does spell love?  He/she encourages you to be your best.  They support your decisions concerning your own life, they don't expect you to show up just for bootie calls, they don't have a reputation of using women for sex because they think they are god's gift to everyone.  Get to know this type of jerk, find out if this is a habit, just sleeping around to make conquests.  Then find out why they cannot seem to make a commitment to probably anyone.  Don't allow yourself to be insulted because a guy has no respect for you.  Have respect for yourself, that is where it has to start.

He/she hates my kids, it must be I have bad kids

Unless you are prepared to diss your own kids, no matter at what age, then get rid of that loser.  If he/she has kids  and their kids are fine in their eyes, do not trade your kids for any relationship because it's not a good one.  Trust me on this one!

Abuse knows no age

Abuse is always physical

Wrong again!  It comes in many forms......learn to recognize it.  Divide and conquer is one form, psychological abuse is another, never showing affection, cry babies 'no one appreciates me' crap like that.  Telling you that you are lucky to have him/her, yeah right, we all should be lucky enough to walk away as fast as we can from those losers in reality.  Looking at other women/men in your presence, making comments as to 'how great other people look' is psychological and shows a blatant lack of respect for you.  With holding sex because he/she is a pouty little shit and is punishing you, is another form of abuse.  You Need someone else to make you feel bad about yourself?  I doubt you do.

The 'your family hates me, so no more contact' person is the very same one who, once you break up or not break up, will be sitting in some damned bar saying: "My wife/partner doesn't understand me."

I know I can change this person.  Don't believe it! The Only way you can ever change anyone is if they wear diapers.  Instead, change yourself, break the cycle, stop being the perpetual victim, stop following losers all over hell's half acre.  Once you break up with someone, give yourself distance, in the form of time, to heal, look over the previous situation, make a damned list of what you Do No want in any other relationships, then stick to that list.  Stop feeling sorry for anyone and mistaking it for love.  Stop being grateful some loser helped you once and mistaking it for love.

What is true love?

1)  The person you love, loves you back.  They respect you, that r-e-s-p-e-c-t is the KEY factor.  You can tell them anything you could tell a best friend and they do not store that information away just to use against you in future disagreements.

2) That person is not just loving and respecting you in Good times, but Bad times will prove their mettle and just what they are made of.  They support you in bad times, not just when all goes their way.  It's easy for All of us to be good when times are good.  When times go sour, well that is where it gets proven.

3) That person does not try to devalue your feelings or words at any time.  That is a sign of disrespect when they say: "You just make mountains out of mole hills or you over react."  What in hell is 'over react?'  You react however you react, end of story.  We all do that differently.  

4)  That person does not compare you to other men or women in your presence.  YOU, to them, should be the prettiest, wittiest, nicest, blah,blah,blah, person to Them.  The grass is always greener people have NO place in any relationship with me.  Move along!!!!!!!!!! 

I will post this, I will Tweet this.  Do I think people will take heed?  Likely not because I can already hear: "Oh but I'm different.  My relationship is like that, but WE are different."  LOL  Yeah right!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Nursing home diaries

Available on: Amazon.com

The Frontline documentary about assisted living recently 

shown on TV, is pretty much what my book is about. My 

book gives advice on how to make elder care much better. 

These owners of elder care places, make billions from the 

elderly. Time to make better living conditions for the elderly.

Pick up my book on Amazon.com

I sent my manuscript to a publisher who told me:  "The book 

is quite good.  But we just published a book written by a 

nurse aide so we really can't publish yours right now."

So a publisher cannot publish more than one book in the 

same genre?  I have to say I find that hard to believe.

Publishing a book written by a nurse aide is nice, but I 

could write from the perspective of both an aide (I was one 

for a lot of years) and through the eyes of a Social Services 

Director (which is how my books are written).  As an aide 

one sees just what's on the surface of a nursing home 

because aides are not allowed into board of director 

meetings nor are they allowed to see the information a 

department head is privilege to.

Department heads see the pure, raw greed of having to 

please board members.  We see the raw greed of the bottom

line being 

more important than your Grandma's healthy bottom.

 This industry, be it Assisted Living, or a traditional nursing 

home, is a billion dollar industry.

  If this industry did not spell P-R-O-F-I-T in a 

big way, well doctors and corporations would never be 

interested. 

About Assisted Living: I could slap up a fancy building, 

charge customers (people living there) $8,000 a month to 

live there and not face the big regulations traditional nursing

 homes face.  Do those nursing home regulations make 

traditional ones better?  Ha Ha, you wish!  But Assisted 

Living is worse yet. Those places do not even have to put a 

Licensed administrator in place, like traditional ones do.  I 

know this for a fact because a young (very young) guy who 

was my assistant once, and was still learning, went on to be 

the head of an Assisted Living place.  This guy couldn't take 

care of a puppy, much less my Grandma. 

You say: "Well I'm just a layman."  This is true, but you can 

become an informed layman. You can make a difference. 

 If YOU make a difference, other paying customers will

 follow suit right in line with you.  Do not ever underestimate 

your power as a paying customer.  The payment option 

makes no difference either, be it private pay, Medicare or 

Medicaid.  You hate the present nursing home, no one 

listens to you?  You can choose another.  Even if you do 

nothing more than read my book, you will be More informed 

than before reading it.

I have a problem with kids who just 'dump' Mom or Dad off 

and never take time to check on how they are doing.  Hey, 

Mom and Dad wiped Your butt, fed YOU and made sure 

YOU were safe, while growing up.  Don't they deserve the 

same?



http://assistedlivingtoday.com/

• Assisted Living Care Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/assisted-living/
• Memory Care Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/memory-care/
• Nursing Home Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/nursing-homes/
• Care Home Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/care-homes/


• Independent Living Guide: http://assistedlivingtoday.com/p/independent-living/

Looking for heroes

Bonding is always a good thing.

I found this picture in my files and every time I look at it, I can't help but smile.  Snowflake, an abandoned kitten we found in our backyard almost a year ago.  We even wrote a children's book about him.  Sometimes I think: maybe he found us, but however it came about, here he is. 

My husband often told me how 'he's just not a cat person' and I believed him, that is until he went out in the dark night and rescued a kitten I heard crying for help.  Ever since he brought Snowflake in, they have been very close.  

I see them and often think about how we sometimes whine about things we don't have.  I often feel like that too, dwelling on what I think I need, then I look at this picture and understand.  I see a little kitten, lost, abandoned, alone, tired and hungry and realize what we need or want is often quite simple.  Once in a while all we need is someone to rescue us.  A hero?  Perhaps, but heroes come in all shapes and sizes.  The hero we need is a loved one, a close relative, or close friend, some one to listen to us, to our fears and help us put our whines into perspective.  

Growing up, we had Superman, The Lone Ranger and the like.  Those heroes don't exist, but they filled our heads, as kids, with the notion that heroes are good.  While watching The Hunger Games, I could see this same idea in action in our 21st Century notions too.  Heroes have not gone out of style.  When Katniss understands how fearful her sister is when chosen to play the Hunger Games, she steps forward to take her place.  She is a hero.  Then it is stated by the announcer that 'never before in the Hunger Game's history, has anyone ever volunteered' this is The Hero's Journey that author Joseph Campbell talks about.  You then come to realize that all good stories, all good journeys, real or fictional, have a hero.

Steve is the hero to Snowflake.  Snowflake's needs are small.  He needs food, shelter, and above all, someone when he wants comfort.  Don't we all just really need those same things?  So when you have a good friend, treat them well, treat loved ones well, for they, in various times of our lives, can be our heroes.  Hopefully we can all pay it forward and be a hero to someone else when they need us too.

Available on: Amazon and Barnes&Noble.com

The Healing powers of Your Story

I have always been a firm believer that everyone has a story to tell.  Why do I think that?  I know this to be true because even if people have shared similar experiences, like war, poverty or family tragedy, each person's experience is unique to them.  

I could be in the same war, same natural disaster but I will see it totally differently.  My experiences will cause me to see things in a different light than even a person standing next to me. 

That being said, it is good to write about our lives, about what we personally have been through, how we may or may not have handled the situation.  By writing, by sharing, we just may touch on the heart string of another reader who has or is now, going through something so similar that they are changed, forever, by what we have written.  Is everyone an excellent writer?  Maybe not, but writing your story isn't as complicated as you might think.  With self-publishing these days, I know that what you might see as ordinary in your lives, can now reach hundreds maybe even millions of readers.  I love self-publishing because I think the reading public is not stupid.  I prefer to let the readers decide what they like, not some publisher who chooses for them.

I have assisted people in editing, arranging and telling their stories.  I enjoyed it very much.  Why?  Because while helping a writer arrange their thoughts and notes, I have read some very touching stories.  I am going to show you some great examples of that.

My husband's book is at the top of this blog.  While I may be a bit biased on his, I can assure you it is somewhat a universal story about war.  About one soldier's experiences of a war that has been such an embarrassment to the United States government, that for a very long time, the government tried to bury it and pretend it never existed.  Kind of like the WMD fiasco that has now drawn us into wars where we do not belong, to this very day.  Steve tells about his experiences in Vietnam, how it's so easy to be drawn into a war and hate faceless enemies.  But once there, once he got to know the people of that country, it became increasingly harder and harder to hate people who did nothing to us personally.  He tells of the fears soldiers face when fired upon, how most soldiers, from both sides, will shoot others more from fear than from hatred.  How propaganda about the perceived enemy, is the driving force behind all wars.  He tells why he chose to make the military his career and why he chose to become a Drill Instructor to be able to teach all soldiers how to survive when faced with combat.  I'm sure anyone will love his story. 

 Poems of a Forgotten War is a series of Steve's feelings about a war he participated in.  They express how he felt.  Sometimes torn, sometimes he loved the country, sometimes not so much.  But they can certainly express how many people in a war feel about those sometimes mixed emotions.  Did he have regrets?  Well, does anyone ever experience anything as emotional as war and not have regrets?  Vietnam may be in the past, but stories he has read about concerning our recent wars are similar.  So he has come to the conclusion that war is war, no matter the era in which it takes place.  These are poems that modern military people can relate to.

The nursing home book is my story.  I guess you can call it my baby.  I've worked with the elderly in nursing homes for a long time.  I've worked with the elderly in the community for a long time too.  This is a book about my observations of the situation that many elderly find themselves in when they are too frail to take care of themselves at home.  It is a tale of many people facing this situation.  Some like nursing homes, but far too many hate the experience.  I try to explain why people hate it, what causes them to feel like it's hopeless.  But I also tell how and why, it can all change, if people stand up and demand changes for the better.  I explain how the Federal Government and state governments think throwing money at the problem should change it.  It doesn't.  But I also tell of the Culture Change movement taking place in America right now.  I explain how it can change for the better and why it should change.  I'm hoping everyone will read it, learn from it and I hope they will demand changes and understand that the government is not the hope for changes they might have expected them to be. 

I have one more story to share.  I'm hoping this writer will not mind my sharing it.  I chose it because it is so powerful, I think everyone should read it.  This story is set in a time when home health for someone who is dying of cancer, did not exist.  This writer tells about a time when a woman, her own mother, had to experience the shame of having a child out of wedlock.   She tells of growing up and feeling she was hated by her own mother.  How she, as a very young child, had to care for a mother who was so sick, she almost felt overwhelmed by it all.  But most importantly, it is a story of healing.  A story of coming to understand that it was not her that her mother hated, but it was the situation her mother found herself in, that was the object of her hatred.  She tells of a mother who was so proud and strong, she felt like she lived in her mother's shadow as a child.  A very unique story that anyone who may not have the perfect parent, can relate too.  I hope you will take time to read it.  The author related to me how just telling her story has given her the emotional healing she so desperately wanted and needed.  A good author, a powerful book.

I hope you have enjoyed reading about the healing power of stories.  Do you have a story to tell?  If so, I'd be happy to help anyone compile their story into a manuscript.  Yes, I charge, but I charge far less them others and far less than you might think.  I can work on a sliding scale. 

Thank you for reading this blog.