Say what? I wasn't listening

I love this Maya Angelou saying because it really does sum up every parent out there.  Kids never come with instructions so, each of us, as parents, struggle through life never knowing if we are doing the right thing or not.  Parenting can be overwhelming for all of us at times.  As parents, I think one of our biggest frustrations is trying to help our adult kids to keep from making the exact same mistakes we made.  Yes, yes, experience tells us it's a losing battle.

This feat is much, much easier said then done.  It also makes me laugh when my adult kids say to me: "But my kids just never listen to me."  My response is always: "Well you never listen to me, so why do you think your kids will be any different?"  Yet we somehow do think our next generation will be different, only to discover they are not.  

As adults we like to always think our parents didn't raise us right anyway.  We grow up and think we will raise our kids much, much better, then reality sets in once the kids come along.  You know reality?  It's that shit that gets in our way and kind of crushes our good intentions sometimes.  When we are teens we think: "I'll let my kid go to that all night party with people I don't know.  Geesh, parents are so not trusting of my judgement."   LOL  

We are survivors of the shit creek experiences we've lived through.  We probably didn't listen to our parents either.  Why?  Well we all think our parents grew up with dinosaurs.  So they are prudes, not with it, olden times junk, where they were prudes.  They never thought about sex, drugs or rock and roll.  They were born grownup and just are out of touch with what young people experience.

Some kids as adults, like to be martyrs.  For instance, if they go through a difficult divorce, they think they are the only ones who have ever experienced heartbreak.  The only ones who struggled as single parents.  After all, each generation thinks it invented sex and love.  What we, as parents, did in our spare time, I have no idea.  Like for example, me, myself. I never had a bad divorce.  I never had to leave my once home with only the things I could carry.  I never moved into my first apartment, with two little kids, having no furniture, not even one bed.  I guess if we parents were never in love, our kids must think we simply had some kind of bad business deal just to set up housekeeping until it failed.  

Somehow, adult kids have the notion that we, as parents, are bound to always try to ruin their lives, especially with advice.  They think we have anything but their best intentions at heart.  I guess we are cruel people, we just never knew it till the adult kids come along.  Yet, somehow, they do think a bad boyfriend, girlfriend, or bad spouse, always has their back and always have their best intentions at heart.  In high school they always think their peers, the ones no older than they are, with no more experience than they have,must have better information about life.  Information that usually turns out to be false, simply because friends have lived no longer. 

You know, we, as parents probably hate their choices for partners, just because they picked them.  LOL  Whenever we give advice, we just don't understand their situations, even though we have been in similar situations and know what the outcome will be.  I'm always shocked because do I have to step in front of a truck on the highway to know I can be hurt or killed?  I sincerely hope not, yet adult kids have to toss themselves under that bus in order to understand that fact.  Why do they do it?  Well, that is the age old question.  

Remember, as parents, you just didn't live.  You simply sat in a corner, you were model kids and never, never did anything wild in your lives.  Wow  I think our parents just might have a different opinion on how we acted as kids.  LOL

"AS kids we think our parents are always on our backs.  When, in fact, they were probably the only ones who ever truly had our backs."  Author Unknown

Stuff I could blame my parents for but don't

As adult children I suppose many people like to blame every bad thing in life on how they were raised.  When I think it over, I've met many adults who do just that.  "I had a bad marriage, I should have been raised better."  Or:  "I was spanked as a kid, that was just wrong."   Maybe all those things are true, but as adults, I just think we need to take responsibility for our own bad deeds in life, not blame our parents.  

I had a bad marriage and when I divorced, I realized that being the youngest kid, I was never really taught to take care of myself.  I was sheltered and being a girl, my parents felt the need to really shelter me.  Youngest kid, a girl, well a double whammy for me.  I grew up in a time when the thing to do, as a girl, was to find a husband.  My parents were thoroughly convinced that women needed a husband to get along in adult life.  So much so that it almost became a : "Any port in a storm" situation.  It wasn't just my parents it was a societal mentality.  I would love to tell you that in 2014 all that's changed, but from what I've observed, it isn't always so.  We are still bombarded in the media with what we should wear, how nice we should look, be pretty, be skinny and the list just goes on and on.  For what?  Well to catch a man, of course.  You can deny it all you like, but it's there, every TV ad, every magazine ad and on the Internet.  Sorry girls, but it's true.  It was so bad that not only me, but all my high school girl friends thought they too needed to be married, or else you were just nothing.  The big fear was maybe being single past age 30 and you'd be showing the world that nobody wanted you.  Why do you think romance stories are still so popular today?


My ex is a bad man, I realize most women say this, but it's probably true in their case too.  The way he acted, even in front of my parents, they should have advised me to dump him or at the very least, rethink marriage to this loser.  They never did, but instead, would cut him up verbally to me.  

I had wanted to go to college, but back then, being old school, they never knew about financial aid, so they simply told me they could never afford it.  I got no advice from my adviser in high school either other than: "Well you probably won't have a long career anyway since you girls always seem to get married and have a family and a husband to take care of you."   Sounds silly?  Well by the looks of women's pay out there, apparently society's attitude about that hasn't changed much even now.

Could I blame my parents that I finally got divorced, had to care for two young boys for a long time on my own and I finally did go to college, but not until I was 40 and it was a struggle?  Yes, I could blame them for not shoving me out the door more as I was growing up.  But they did what they knew just as we do now as parents, often times.

My parents never talked to any of us kids about sex or the opposite sex.  I was told: "Just stay away from boys who want certain things."  Seriously?  That is good sex advice?  Of course not.  My parents grew up in simpler times, more sheltered times and my mom found a good man, but I suppose they were hoping I'd 'luck out.'   A sad way to run one's life.  Toss the dice and hope you come out a winner.

I might have made better choices in a husband had I been given some kind of useful advice.  But, alas, I ended up divorced and figuring things out on my own.  It was a struggle, but maybe it made me a better person by figuring it out alone, I don't know.

I hope parents these days are enlightening their kids, especially daughters, about caring for themselves first and foremost.  The list is large, the things we could blame our parents for.

 By the way, I was spanked as a kid and I abhor violence and I turned out okay in spite of the spankings.

The boyfriend's back,what a Hack

 

He's so cute, the boyfriend's back

As teenage girls, we will eventually discover

He's a bad lover, he's just a hack

I'm so happy the boyfriend's back

Mom tries to tell us, but as teens we know best

"But, Mom, he's different, not like the rest"

Famous last words

We think he's not from the same herd

Mom's were once teenage girls too

Daughters discover boys

What they really discover is hormones

What scientists call pheromones

 

Teenage girls find life can get hazy

What they mistake for love

Well, it's just being boy crazy

Teens think unemployed guy, is cute, not lazy

"He wants me, he wants me, it must be love"

Into his bed, he will give you a shove

Sex means love, am I right?

In an imperfect world, this logic soon takes flight

"But Mommy, you are wrong"

Such is the teenage girl in love's song

But as parents, we know she's wrong

Waiting for her to get it, can take ever so long

 Through the eyes, we call love

He always looks like, he's from heaven above

We think this guy fits like a glove

If we could only trust the eyes we call love

Girls get in trouble

Here comes the burst of the bubble

Dumb girls call it dumb luck

Even when they get hit by that Mack truck

When in trouble, where is this wonderful guy?

Oh no, he would not tell a lie

He once did a wonderful dance

Just before he convinced you he should be in your pants

I could be at death's door

Suddenly, he's not there anymore

He never cares if he hurt you to the core

You realize when you met, you should have shut that door

 But bad boys are such fun

Until push comes to shove

Oh see how he runs

Look at my tears, see my mascara run

 

Raising a child, well, just not in his plan

What a gem, what a peach

Oh, what a fine man

Now he says: "Catch me if you can"

What the hell, you now say 

He was a good man, when he wanted to play

He loved me, right from the start

Now he stabs you right through the heart

 Worse scenario, you're stuck with this guy

You know, the one who wouldn't lie

His faults, bad habits, seemed so cute

Now you need help, as a husband, he's mute

His bad habits drive me nuts now

In ten years, they get under my skin

What went wrong?

Well, where do we begin?

 Mom was with me when it all went sour

Where's Mr. Wonderful now?

Just look in any corner

You'll see him now cower

This great guy, somehow, he got lost
But now you discover
How great was your cost?
Before you started, he should have gotten lost

 

Never listened to my Mom

I simply told her to stay calm

But maybe Mom knew after all

When push came to shove, he'd never answer the call

 

Mom stayed by me, so never say: "Boo"

She was right about him

Maybe she's been around that same corner?

Well, Hell, whoever knew?

 

Mom said to be a strong girl

Hey, I know guys don't like 'those kind of girls'

But now, he has taken flight

Those 'wimpy' girls make me want to hurl

So listen to Mom, she just might be right

When a bad boy gets you into his sight

"In bed" he says, just laugh and say:

"Get the Hell out of my sight"

 

 

A rough life

Another night, another crowd of people, mostly regulars.  Down and out people looking to drown their sorrows in liquor.  Some drowning lost love, some drowning lost money, lost mortgages or lost jobs from their memories.

  Since this recession hit, we get more than our share of the lost jobs patrons.  How in hell they can afford to drink themselves stupid without a paycheck is beyond me. Some come to cheat on their wives, hoping to get laid, some businessmen bring their sleazy clients here hoping to make a deal and show them a good time. 

Looking at myself in the mirror, situated in a dark corner of my dim lit little hole in the wall room, I notice the tight pants accentuate my crotch in all the right places.  Women and men both look at those things, it makes me tips, it pays the rent in this miserable place.  The landlord calls it an efficiency, I call it a dump.  Hell even the cockroaches and rats moved out a long time ago.

Grabbing my bag, I make sure the tank top shirt I chose has all the right glitter, not too little, not too much so as to look cheap.  One never knows who they will be giving a lap dance to for extra money.

Lately I've spent a lot of time fending off Lauren's advances to me.  I've only been working the bar for a couple months, but the owner thinks she can have her way with me anytime, anyplace.  She'd have a lap dance every night in the back room if she could. She implies if I want to keep my job, I need to play ball with her. I need this job.  I don't mind playing ball with her, I just don't want her playing with mine.

 Whenever I go to the store room for more alcohol, she's right there, behind me, pressing her big tits into my back and grinding her crotch into my backside.  She even tries a good reach around every chance she gets.

I work a bar that features big girls as pole dancers.  Lauren calls the patrons 'chubby chasers', maybe so, but the women, big or not, are beautiful, with their big breasts hanging down, wrapping themselves around the poles.  They bring big money too. Eager drinkers stuff enough money in their g-strings.  I want to be up there, making big tips in my pants.  

I haven't convinced Lauren to allow me to bring guys to pole dance, not yet anyway, but I hope to be her first one.  

A sexual encounter

Available on: Amazon and Kindle

We held hands and walked to the shoreline. I felt a mixture of sand and small stones beneath my feet. We stripped our clothes off and laid them on top of the towels, to keep the sand out.

I gasped when I saw his mostly naked body in the dim light. He was even more beautiful then I had imagined.

We entered the water, splashing around for a while and then he embraced me from behind. I leaned my head back as his mouth gently brushed against my ear, my hair and he gently kissed the top of my head.

I was enjoying this moment when I opened my eyes and realized I could see the cottage next to Van's. I started to look away when I saw two naked bodies on the deck of their place. I was fascinated, the sight of two naked people made me keep my eyes riveted on what they were doing.

It was a man and a woman, naked as can be, she was giggling and he was pretending to chase her. He grabbed her and gently helped her into the chaise lounge. His head nuzzled her neck, her chest, stopping on the way down to suckle each of her large breasts.

I'd watched this kind of stuff on TV before, but this was the first time I'd seen it for real. I realized Van's eyes were fixed on them too. I could feel the item between Van's legs, rise, poking the crack of my butt. I felt his breath coming harder and faster against the back of my neck too. He was rock hard watching this real life porn show going on in front of us. Neither one of us could have looked away if we'd wanted to.

The woman has a beautiful silhouette in the shadow of their cottage lights. Small waist, large breasts and tiny waist. Perfectly proportioned to her frame.

The man, was somewhat muscular, he seemed to look a bit older than the lady and even in the shadows, something about him was vaguely familiar. But I couldn't figure out why. We could see, when he stood to the side to grasp her hand, his penis stood out, he looked very large in that area too. We watched his penis rise and fall, but always maintaining its hardness.

He moved to the front of the woman on the lounge chair and suddenly he got down on his knees in front of her. We watched as his hands gently separated her legs and he buried his face between them. We could hear the lady's moans, low at first, but then get louder and she sounded like the sound welled up from deep in her throat. We saw her body rise and fall and then she let out a small scream of delight and the man stood up again.

We figured the show was over when, to our surprise, the woman coaxed the man to stand in front of her. Her head was now locked between his legs and we could hear faint sucking noises. The man placed his hands on each side of her head and his head went back as if he was looking at the sky. He too moaned and then his body shuddered and he let out a loud moan of delight too.

When the man turned around I knew why he seemed familiar. I could hardly believe my eyes. It can't be, but yes it is. I realize I know this guy. The woman joined him at the patio railing and even she was an all too familiar face.

I was totally shocked at who I was watching. I thought, for a moment my mind was playing tricks on me. OMG...........it can't be, but it is.

Alyssa

Available on Amazon.com and Kindle

Van went inside and turned out all the lights but a couple dim ones. Also I could hear soft, romantic music coming from the stereo on the patio. Nice. He came outside, two beach towels in his hand.

We held hands and walked to the shoreline. I felt a mixture of sand and small stones beneath my feet. We stripped our clothes of and laid them on top of the towels. To keep the sand out, Van said.

I gasped when I saw his mostly naked body in the dim light. He was even more beautiful then I had imagined.

We entered the water, splashing around for a while and then he embraced me from behind. I leaned my head back as his mouth gently brushed against my ear, my hair and he gently kissed the top of my head.

I was enjoying this moment when I opened my eyes and realized I could see the cottage next to Van's. I started to look away when I saw two naked bodies on the deck of their place. I was fascinated, the sight of two naked people made me keep my eyes riveted on what they were doing.

It was a man and a woman, naked as can be, she was giggling and he was pretending to chase her. He grabbed her and gently helped her into the chaise lounge.  

When the man turned around I knew why he seemed familiar. I could hardly believe my eyes. It can't be, but yes it is. I realize I know this guy. The woman joined him at the patio railing and even she was an all too familiar face.

I was totally shocked at who I was watching. I thought, for a moment my mind was playing tricks on me. OMG...........it can't be, but it is.

Excerpt from my new book, Alyssa

Available now on: Amazon.com and Kindle edition

After dinner I tried to help clean up the dishes, but Van refused to let me. He said he would just put them in the dishwasher anyway.

I followed him to the kitchen and watched him load the dishes up. I guess I was a bit too close behind him because when he turned around, we bumped bodies. I turned red because I could feel my cheeks burning.

Our faces were inches from each other. We stood there for a second and then Van put his arms around my waist. He pressed his lips against mine. My first real kiss. There were those butterflies again, but much more. Skyrockets, and electric shocks invaded every inch of my body.

I had never felt anything like this before. Suzanne and I would giggle at HBO movies when actors had sex. We even wondered what we would do with our noses and if we had to hold our breath during a kiss. I was glad to know I did not. It all just fell naturally into place, like it was meant to be.

We kissed for a very long time. Then Van stepped back and said: “I would suggest we go for a night swim, but I forgot to tell you to bring your suit.”

“I can wear my bra and panties. Bikinis aren't much more than underwear anyway. Mine even match.”

Again, where in hell did that suggestion come from? It just popped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“Well I don't want to embarrass you or anything. Are you sure you are OK with that?”

I was a bit nervous, but I didn't want to come off as a kid about it. I nodded my head, yes, hoping I looked confident in my answer.

“Well, OK, I can wear my boxers if it helps you feel better. That OK with you?”

Again, I nodded, hoping my lack of confidence wasn't showing.

 “I'll kill the lights in the house, except for one dim one. Also the outside light. That way neighbors can't see us, but we should be able to see in the water just fine. We can strip our clothes off on the shore.”

Dating past 50

At least she's getting some help.

There's a book, possibly several, out, giving advice to people over 50 about dating.  People over fifty need help with dating?  OK  So much for giving advice to our adult kids then, must be we don't know all that much after all.

One piece of advice goes something like this: "Trim your toenails, you never know and should be prepared."  Trim toenails?  Seems to me that advice is good for any age.  Do younger people not trim their toenails?  OK, once again.

The book and blog sites out there, tell us 'times are a changin.'  We are told that men do not hold doors anymore, they expect women to pay all or part of the dinner tab.  I might see the dinner tab thing, but why are manners now out dated?  So women now can fart and get away with it then?  Hey, don't judge, guys do it all the time.  When people age they have more gas. A fact of life, deal with it.

More advice is to date several men at once.  Well, I guess they are reverting back to commune days.  Isn't that what was touted in the 60's?  You know, free love, 'love the one you're with' so on, so forth.  That part is OK too.  

I don't know about other people over 50, but I'd pretty much leave it up to my own gut feelings.  People can meet online (so maybe there will be more 'missing' seniors from doing that?)  Even online dating or meeting then dating, whatever, would take some sense to be safe.  (I'd say common sense, but I find sense is not always so common.  

  Not sure what any of you think about all this, no one comments on this site, but if you feel  inclined to comment, that'd be way cool too.

It's also a fact that fewer women, older women especially, look to date.  Women don't suffer so much from loneliness as much as men do.  Or, maybe, just maybe, men miss the woman to do those mundane household chores?  I'm not saying all men, so don't get your shorts all up in a bunch over it. 

Where do they get these young looking older people?

I think, with all the habits and more bodily functions going on at an older age, everyone who dates over 50 would have to be a good sport about those things, taking much in their stride.  

I watched Celebrity Wife Swap recently and one old, (has been) actor said: "I married a younger woman because women in my age group are pretty much dead."  LOL  His brain is pretty much dead, gauging from that statement.  I also noticed, younger wifey stayed quite happy as long as she had his credit cards to keep her company.  I also suppose that actor was not 'dead below the waist' thanks to Viagra these days, it used to be older women could say the same dead lines about old men.   No fool like an old fool.