Still in Vietnam

                                                      Available on: Amazon.com
                                                      Kindle
                                                      Barnes&Noble.com


The book featured here is appropriate for this blog series.  While my husband, Steve, is not still in Vietnam in his head, his book reflects memories of a forgotten war.

Being a forgotten war, with no heroes lauded from it, no decent home coming, and Americans, including the U.S. government, wanting to brush all memories of it aside, one can tell how veterans of that war feel.  When a Vietnam Vet suffers from PTSD, it is doubly hard due to the factors mentioned above.

My ex had his head in Vietnam.  So much so, in fact, he constantly mentioned what a raw deal Vietnam Vets got from it.  A war where for the first time in a very long time. the U.S. government decided to force young men to fight a war that many felt unjust.  It wasn't the soldiers' fault they had to go kill people in a country most of us never heard of before.  It wasn't their fault they laughed and jeered at the saying "Land of the free."  How in Hell is it freedom to be forced into servitude or face prison?

My ex felt such remorse, it just penetrated his thoughts all the time.  With PTSD a veteran often feels like the job was unfinished.  With no real home coming, there was no closure for their service.  No gratitude and no thank you.  Ron often expressed how he wished he had 'eaten it in Vietnam.'  As time went on, suicidal thoughts grew worse.  Every day, little problems most of us face, became blown way out of proportion and I always found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I just never knew what chain of events would cause the shoe to drop.  Something big or something small?  I never could tell until it happened.  

There came a day when I grew tired of it all.  Tired of the tension, the verbal and physical abuse and our family began to really show signs of strain.  I got tired of calling Yates County Sheriff, who did absolutely nothing anyway.  I made a trip to Social Services only to be asked by the head worker: "Can't you just make up?  Our caseload is heavy right now."  I learned, over the course of time, you can either be abused at home, or abused by a system that really does not care. To this day, I see 'Stop Domestic Violence' as a mere slogan, a cause of the week once a year.  Why?  Well women and children are killed year after year in spite of the supposed awareness going on each year when agencies display their cute little token ribbons.  

The first time we had major problems that spilled outside of Ron's comfort zone, namely his closed doors where he could terrorize us, we ended up in family court.  Family court is nothing but a zoo.  You can go for your scheduled appointment, sit there in a crowd for two hours and then be told your case has been postponed for a month or two.  See what I mean by picking where you want to be abused?  This behavior is supposed to help families?  Hardly.  When we finally did get our day in court, I was told by the judge that I needed to go to counseling.  Why wasn't the abuser court ordered to go?  I was told by the judge: "You need to go to counseling to help you learn how to handle your family problems."  A bit ludicrous to put it mildly.  So when I see people bitch about 'people on welfare and food stamps' I want to smack them.  They have no empathy and no idea what they are talking about.  Women and children are using the system.  They do not want children to be clothed, fed, have medical care or a safe place to live?  Apparently not.  Those who bitch about 'those damn freeloaders on welfare' have the audacity to say "stop domestic violence and child abuse' out of the other side of their mouths.  

You have to also remember that for many, many years, PTSD did not exist in the eyes of anyone.  But then, they did not live in my house either.  The suicide talk, the abuse, the talk of how Vietnam just wasn't fair, tends to grate on anyone's nerves over time.  The PTSD sufferer blames everyone for their problems, especially those people they claim to care for.  They take problems, even small ones as some kind of personal assault, directed at them.  They are angry most all of the time, every minute of the day.

While it can be hard to live with someone suffering from PTSD, the constant thoughts of suicide makes it hard for the PTSD sufferer to just plain live. 

Has your heart been ripped out?

I got on Facebook today and I'm always mystified by so many postings and comments that people, usually without thinking, post up there.  I too often see posts blaming poor people for being poor, for being homeless, and I'm sick to death of the term 'Socialist' posted by people who have absolutely no clue what it means.

Growing up, my mother was a gem.  I loved her dearly and for good reason.  My parents were what you would call Conservatives back then.  But back then the Republican party had members who did not use religion, fear and intimidation to try and win elections. Conservatives were an entirely different breed of people.  

Yes, my parents had values, which included wanting a decent place to call home, safe places to raise their kids and most importantly, MY mother taught all of us we were not an island and we were not 'better' than the next guy, no matter how much they had in their pockets or bank account.  I was taught something called 'empathy.'  In this modern age of technology I see religion or Christian meaning nothing more to most people than a label.  They wear it like a badge and pull it out like a gun to put others down.  Has America had its heart ripped out?

What disgusts me most is the fact that many, many, people who are not really 'middle class' anymore, those who are retired and on the poverty level now too, posting crap like "Hit like if you are fed up with being taxed to death while others refuse to work."  Really?  You want to look this ignorant on a social network?  Unless you have some huge pension, well you too are impoverished.  Why aren't you working until you drop dead then?  Why do you refuse to work?  Are you getting it?  My guess is, probably you don't nor ever will get it.  More's the pity for our country.

Does having a heart now mean you are weak?  Well I'd rather be weak than lose all feeling or worse yet, lose my entire soul while pretending to be a Christian.  Cut it out!

While Americans love slogans, like "Remember 9/11" and politicians flaunt 'American Heroes' to win votes and then forget those same 'Heroes' when it really counts like giving them benefits. I get sick to my stomach when I see Israel trying to commit genocide on people in their region.  I get sick to my stomach when we do not care about Syrian people nor do we 'mourn' people killed in tsunamis or devastating floods, or innocent people in Iraq and Afghanistan being slaughtered by an American military that has become nothing more than hired mercenaries (and poorly paid ones) doing the bidding for giant corporations.  America, has your heart been ripped out?  You don't care because they are not the same religion, culture, gender or color as you?  Well if Jesus came from the Middle East, you can bet HE was dark skinned too.  So forget all those cute pictures in churches showing HIM as white.  Are you that gullible? 

I'm retired now too.  I cannot honestly put down poor people who cannot find jobs and maybe cannot work anymore.  I'd have to hang my head in utter shame.  I'm sorry you did not have the wonderful upbringing I had.  An upbringing where you were taught not to be a poor person hating other poor.  Not to be a person who is poor then condoning our young American poor going to make war on other poor people.  But it's never too late to grow a heart.  I'm hoping more people will do just that.

Nursing home diaries

Now this is aging

Today I talked with a sweet lady who lives here, and she is carrying a stuffed cat on her lap.  She tells me that she had a wonderful cat when she lived at home.  I'm listening to her and my heart goes out to her.  Every nursing home should have at least one cat roaming the place.  So many people living here have owned animals and miss them terribly.  Funny, I complain about landlords who do not get the pet/owner connection, but shame on a nursing home that does not get it.  This is the paying customer's home, bring in pets damn it.

Nurse aides:  What can be said about nurse aides?  What can't be said about them?  They are the backbone of every single nursing home.  In Culture Change nursing homes, aides are assigned, permanently, to one small group of residents.  Those aides are familiar faces, every single day, to their own small group.  Aides in traditional nursing homes don't even get invited to care plan meetings, a great travesty, in my opinion.  Those aides know their residents on a much more personal level than any of the nurses ever do.  Aides at a care plan meeting can give more insight about how your loved one is doing because they spot any changes long before nurses or doctors do.  If you really want to know how your loved one is getting along, ask their aide, you will learn much more than you would from nurses or doctors.  

If you have a loved one in a nursing home: Have you hugged their aide today?  

Available at: Amazon.com

Barnes&Noble.com

Kindle edition

Nursing home diaries

I realize by now that many people, especially younger ones, have in their heads they will be young and fresh forever.  I suppose at age 20, 30 maybe even 40, I thought:  I have (fill in the blank) this many years and don't have to worry about getting older.  Well yes, but most people do not realize how fast that gap flies by and closes in on them.  They will, you will.  

I was talking to my niece who lives in Kuwait and she was telling me there are no nursing homes there.  The care of the elderly is left up to the families.  I don't know if that practice is good or bad, but I do know that American nursing homes, the traditional kind, truly suck.  I also know many people have no family to care for them.  But does America have to be so greedy, so barbaric concerning the care?  No, it's simply profit for profit's sake.  She also said that as long as she lives and is able, her parents will never have to worry about living in a nursing home.  I wish more families had that attitude.

Empathy is sorely lacking in our, so called, prosperous nation.  With this recession (Depression) we are not all that prosperous anymore, unless you are the big corporate giants running those nursing homes which are simply ware houses for human beings.  Empathy, today, is seen as a sign of weakness and is nearly nonexistent in our modern society.  Mores the pity.

I know it's hard to imagine being old, being frail, being anything but young and vibrant, but the biggest state many Americans live in is the state of Denial.  Humans are good at living there, until, one day, Reality catches up to them. Like they say at AA: "Denial is not a river in Egypt.