To Hell and back, just get out while you still can

Some people are simply toxic, toxic to your life, to your existence, to your very soul.  There's no getting around it.  Every time I look at 'stop child abuse' or 'stop domestic violence' slogans in the world, on streets posting banners and signs, on the news and on social media, I have to feel a bitterness right to my toes.  A bitterness that I know people should not feel, but it is there and always will be.  We are told not to hate, but how do you stop a train from running?

The idea that domestic violence and even child abuse, has always existed in our society, is a very new notion.  Family violence wasn't even recognized until pretty recently.  You may think it's been recognized for a long time now, but it hasn't.  We still live in a society in America, where it is still very slow to help people who are abused at home.  Why, you ask?  Well, no one likes to think a person's home is dangerous.  People like to think home is where you escape from outside problems.  People get uncomfortable because they know it very well could be them and not the other person who is abused in their own home, a place that is supposed to be our sanctuary.  Not only does society feel uncomfortable, but your own family scatters, most of the time and does not help you and when family turns a blind eye, well,you get to know who your real family is.  Many times your real family members are not your blood relatives.

To make matters worse, people out in the big scheme of things, including some family members, will say: "Gee, he/she didn't seem all that bad."  When you hear that shit, always remember, they didn't live with that bitch or son of a bitch.  You have to remember they are pretty damned clueless as a group.  Remember too, that most abusers are very good at not acting like the assholes they are at home because friends walk away.  Harder for their spouses and kids to walk because fear is their primary weapon.  Blaming their spouses and kids for their problems is also a big part of their sick, twisted plans to keep you in control.  Because for every abuser, control is the name of the game.  Even, for many, once control of their spouse has ended, they then turn their attention and lust for control to their kids.  Kids, especially when young, are a captive audience and those sick assholes have to control someone, or else their amusement has vanished.  So, quite often, husbands or wives who have been the abusers, will use their own kids as pawns.  

How do they accomplish that?  By raising the kids to believe their mom or dad is the horrible one.  Even though the toxic parent is the reason the innocent party had to leave, sick twisted people have to gain control of someone.  Woe to the kid who endures this hatred because it feeds the abuser's ego and lust for control.  Often, even when grown and they are able to look at things objectively, that grown kid has been so brainwashed by the toxic parent, the kid refuses to act like an adult and investigate if mom or dad was wrong.  After all, those kids have been raised to choose sides.  Those kind of awful parents are the worst, because they have too feed their evil thirst for control of someone. 

Too often a grown kid goes through life saying" "I hold a grudge against mom/dad because they weren't always around."   Grow up, Kid.  The reason your mom/dad weren't around is because the parent who brainwashed you, made life a living hell anytime they tried to be in your lives.  So, again, grow up.  Act like an adult and do not judge until you have taken time to know the parent who was driven off by sick, twisted mom/dad in the first place. That toxic parent who raised you is thinking: "I hate my ex for not putting up with my sick shit, so our kids should hate him/her too and take my sick side." 

  

Crap our parents said in the 60's we happily ignored

Growing up in the 60's was a bit of a challenge in itself.  We were a generation that threw off and challenged nearly everything our parents and society, stood for.  But we had to listen to a lot of crap, here is some of it.


"Your dress/skirt is too short.  What will people think?"  Of course they meant 'what will our friends, neighbors, all in the older generation think?  We will be told we're bad parents.  Oh my.

 
" Your hair is too long, and what do you mean you are dating a person of color?"  They meant, again, what will the neighbors say?  What will Uncle Fred and Aunt Sarah say or think?  On one hand our parents, in the North, would preach equality to us, until it hit up close and personal anyway.  How long does hair have to be before it's 'too long' anyway?

 

"What do you mean you're going to live together?  What in hell do you mean you're having a baby?"  This was the ultimate sin in the 1960's.  Unforgivable and just plain embarrassing to parents of all walks of life.  OMG!  

Women were told: "You'll be a used woman.  No decent man will ever want you.  What about the children?  Do you know how tough biracial children will have it in our society? The children will be illegitimate.  This was a biggie back then.  

Let's start with 'you'll be a used woman or marked woman.'

Did this mean women were 'marked' like some hit person was gunning for them?  What in hell did 'used' mean?  If guys slept all around, somehow being a *Ahem* 'virgin' was not expected of them, worse yet, it was forgiven.  'Boys will be boys' seemed to cover a multitude of sins for men. 

'No decent man will want you' was assuming the man you were living with was not a decent one.

How about 'illegitimate?'  What makes a child 'legitimate?'  Oh yes, having some man's name.  I guess your parents' name was no longer legitimate or any good anymore.  Yet you, as a woman, used that perfectly good, maiden name.  Imagine that.

We were told 'we would go to Hell.'  But if you questioned why All funerals you ever attended, even if you knew the person was horrible in life, they still never got preached into Hell, adults had no answers for that one.

"A woman's place is in the kitchen."  Yes, watching my Mom slave all day in the kitchen on a holiday, while the men drank beer, smoked and sat on their collective asses in another room.  Don't think so!

 "If your friends jump off a cliff, are you going to follow them?"  Actually, no, Mom.  You did a pretty good job of teaching me to think for myself.  That is why we aren't seeing eye to eye right now.  

"You're protesting what?"  You could get hurt you know.  Where would America be without war?"  Probably at peace, Mom.

Do you recall some crazy crap your parents used to say to you?  Do you find yourself repeating any of that crazy crap to your own kids, even if you vowed not to?